Space to Dream

It’s a small space in my mind, tiny really: Just enough room for a soft pillow, a warm drink, and a bit of day dreaming.  But it’s there.  And it hasn't been before.  I've never let it have even a square inch of room until now.  It’s the tiny mental space where I dream about life after OIT.

Until now, I couldn't let myself devote even a millimeter of thought-space to dreaming of a life after food allergies.  But we’re on this OIT journey now, and it’s going WELL (as I type I’m frantically searching for a piece of wood to knock on!).  Brendan had a few minor stomach aches in the beginning, and there was that one day he made himself a sandwich with expired spinach and I was left wondering whether he was suffering from food poisoning or if we were on the road to Eosinophilic Esophagitis (a deal killer for OIT).  But for over a week now, he’s had NO REACTIONS.  Not one.  I’m beginning to forget to log his doses in my handy-dandy spread sheet because they've been so uneventful.  And so, I've allowed myself just a teeny corner of my brain to DREAM. 

What will life be like if we are successful on this OIT journey?  What sorts of dreams do I have for Brendan?  Most parents dream that their children will grow up, go to college, and have a successful career and family.  I dream those things for Brendan, too.  But right now?!  Right now, I dream about finishing OIT and then taking my sweet boy to Disney World—running into Goofy’s Candy Company and allowing him to pick out whatever over-priced, sugar-laden treat he wants.  I dream about him attending a birthday party and being able to eat the cake.  About going to sleep away camp without his mom as a chaperone.  About letting him keep all his Halloween candy and eat it until he gets sick—not the terrifying Epipen-inducing kind of sick we’re used to from food—that good ol’ “I ate too much candy” tummy ache instead.  Buying a tray for lunch from school, heading to IHOP for breakfast, ordering anything he wants off a menu—all of these will be firsts for my boy if we are successful in OIT.

Brendan showing off some safe snacks at Summer Camp last year.
One day he might be able to go to camp without me tagging along!

It is still early.  Lots could go wrong and halt us in our tracks.  That’s why my dreaming space is still so tiny.  But it’s there, tucked away behind the everyday reality of living with food allergies.  And it never has been before.