Out of Control

I like my life to be predictable.  I’m a stay at home mom.  I have two kids and a sweet husband.  I live in the ‘burbs.  Most of the time, I feel like I have life under control.  But this OIT thing, well, it’s OUT of my control.  Will Brendan be well enough to start OIT?  Will he have reactions to his doses?  Will he develop the dreaded Eosinophilic Esophagitis that pretty much shuts out all hope of OIT working?  Will I be able to sustain weekly drives to Dallas?  Will his school work suffer from all the missed school days?

3 a.m.  That’s when the questions begin to swirl, and I realize that I am helplessly out of control of this life.  Luckily, the ONE who IS in control brings me back.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” He says, “Plans to give you a hope and a future.” 

“Cast all your cares on Me,” He whispers, “I care for you.”

“Don’t be anxious,” He calms me, “Let My peace guard your heart.”

“Take My yoke,” I feel His presence rush over me, “for My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

And then it hits me.  A wave of peace.  The knowledge that I am NOT in control of ANY of it.  I never have been.  But He is.  And He knows my name and the number of hairs on my head.  He knows the number of hairs on my sweet boy’s head, too, and He cares for him even more than I do.

And I have HOPE.  I cling lightly to the hope that Brendan will be successful with OIT, but I hold on tight to a deeper hope.  The hope that He knows what is good for Brendan, and that He will make that good happen.  OIT, or no OIT.  Tolerance, or continued allergic response.  God’s got this.  He’s weaving this experience into Brendan’s story, and it will all work together for his good.

Out of control?  I sure am.  But I KNOW the ONE who IS in control, and there’s no one else I’d rather have guiding my life.