Desensitization: It's not just physical

Desensitize. It's a big word that allergists use to describe what's going on in your kid's body during OIT. OIT is flying under the body's radar, teaching it not to freak out when it meets an allergen. But for OIT to be successful, desensitization can't just take place in your kiddo's body-- it's got to happen in the hearts and minds of your entire family. While the mechanics of OIT are purely about physical desensitization, OIT will never fully set you or your child free until you experience an EMOTIONAL desensitization to your kiddo's allergen.

Thank you Gail Reynolds Frank for letting us use this graphic!
I first read the term "emotional desensitization" on the Private Practice OIT Facebook Group.
It's stuck with me ever since as I see families struggling to cope with their new found freedom in OIT.

Let me explain what I mean. When your kid became allergic, his body was sensitized to his allergen-- for whatever reason, his body decided to make antibodies against harmless food: peanuts, eggs, milk, wheat. Those antibodies planted themselves in cells that are just waiting to have an allergic reaction party, and as soon as your kiddo eats his allergen, it binds to those antibodies and the party (or not so much of a party for us) is on. Allergic reaction central.

When your kid became sensitized to that allergen and had a reaction, you became emotionally sensitized to it, too. Can you smell peanut butter from 100 yards away? Do you cringe when you see someone break out a P,B&J for their kid? Are you terrified of your kiddo having another reaction? Are you afraid to Epi if he does? Are you distrusting of chefs at restaurants and labels on food? You are emotionally sensitized to your kiddo's allergen. And during the life of strict avoidance, that's usually a good thing. You're on high alert all the time. You read all the labels. You wipe down all the restaurant booths. You bake all the cupcakes. You are doing what needs to be done to keep your kid safe. You are being a good parent.

Does this picture creep you out?
If so, you're emotionally sensitized to peanuts!

But then you hear about this thing called OIT, and all of a sudden, you start to think that being a good parent just might mean getting this treatment for your kid. But then you are stuck, because you are SO afraid. You have a hard time wrapping your head around giving your kiddo the very thing that you've worked so tirelessly to avoid for so long. And that's exactly when you need to start the EMOTIONAL desensitization process.

How do you emotionally desensitize yourself and your child to their allergen? Much in the same way you physically desensitize: one small step at a time. Below is a list of steps you can take to help you in your emotional desensitization process.

Steps to take emotionally BEFORE you begin OIT:

1) Arm yourself with information. Knowledge is power, and it can help you overcome your fear. Learn what you can about OIT, especially about OIT starting doses. I think some people envision the doctor feeding their child a chunk of peanut on the first day, when in reality, it takes MONTHS to get to that chunk. Your doctor's starting dose wasn't pulled out of thin air-- there are studies about how much of an allergen it takes to elicit an allergic reaction. Read up on one or two of them, and then know that your doctor is starting WAY lower than the amounts in those studies.

This is one of my favorite graphics.
OIT starts with MICROgrams of an allergen.
That's REALLY, REALLY, TEENY!

2) Join a support group. This one can be a double edged sword. There are some great national OIT support groups, OIT 101 and Private Practice OIT are two of the most popular ones. There are also a slew of local, doctor specific support groups. I admin a support group for Dr. Silvers' patients: Texan Allergy OIT Support Group. Ask questions. Tell them you are afraid-- here's a tidbit-- they were afraid before they started, too. Listen to what more experienced OIT moms have to say. There's one caveat about joining a support group: if you focus too much on people's reactions and side effects to treatment, it can make you more anxious. Just know that people usually post in groups when they need support, and not always when things are going well. Trust what your doctor has to say about reaction rates and scroll on by reaction posts if you need to.

You know your OIT doc is beloved when you
and other patients work together to make him this :).
You can join our Texan Allergy OIT Facebook Group by clicking here.

3) Find an outlet for stress. Maybe it's exercise. Maybe it's mindless TV. Maybe it's a good conversation with Jesus. Do whatever helps you de-stress.

4) Go see a professional. If you've tried all the things above, and you are still paralyzed by fear, then go get some counseling, maybe even some meds. You won't be the first OIT parent on Xanax, and you certainly won't be the last.

Steps to take emotionally DURING* OIT:
*Please consult with your doctor about when it may be appropriate to take the following steps-- the timing will be different for each doctor's comfort level. Some doctors may not want you to try any of these things until after your child graduates OIT, others may let you try them at various stages in the process.

1) Allow your child to TOUCH their dose. I know it's tempting to pick up that little peanut piece and feed it to them, especially if your child has a history of contact reactions, but touching the dose can be very emotionally desensitizing for both you and the child. Ask your doctor when it might be time.

2) Allow your child to sit at the "regular" table at lunch. This slice of normalcy is so healing for kids. They've been excluded for so long. Let them sit with their friends whenever your doctor says they are ready.

3) Allow the allergen back into your home. Let your spouse eat a peanut butter sandwich. You know they've been dying to since your kid was diagnosed.

4) Shed the peanut free classroom. OIT doesn't just free our kiddos, it frees everyone they come in contact with!

5) Allow your child to eat a food made in a facility with their allergen. Many docs allow this freedom for nut allergies at just a few nuts. Be sure to ask your doc when he or she thinks your kiddo will be cleared for cross contamination.

Cross contamination deliciousness!!

Steps to take emotionally AFTER OIT graduation:

1) Go have ice cream at an ice cream shop. Don't even tell them you have allergies. Be a normal person. I know, it's weird.

2) Donuts. Do I even need to say more?!

So this happened ;).

3) Go out to eat. Read the menu. Order whatever you want. You no longer need to be on a first name basis with the manager or chef. It's AMAZING.

4) Go to a "high risk" restaurant like Texas Roadhouse or Five Guys where they serve peanuts in the shell. If you're on a free eating protocol, let your kid eat a few.

5) Let your kid eat at a friend's house without worrying about what's in the food.

6) Attend a potluck. Let your kid eat whatever's there.

7) Fly on a Southwest plane and board like everyone else. Watch in amazement as everyone eats peanuts.

Perhaps the ONLY benefit of having a peanut allergy was pre-boarding with Southwest.
 We are happy to give up our pre-board slip for FREEDOM!!

8) Live a normal life like you did before food allergies. After all, this is the goal of OIT! Enjoy your freedom!!

Just like the physical desensitization during OIT, emotional desensitization doesn't happen overnight. Take your time. Allow yourself room to research and learn about OIT. Schedule a consult with an OIT allergist just to hear what he or she has to say, and then when you're ready, begin OIT. I promise you won't regret the decision. OIT heals: both physically AND emotionally.

Hidden Peanut: Creative Dosing Ideas

Hidden Peanut. Those words used to strike fear into my heart. Remember when the nation's cumin supply was tainted with peanut flour? Fun times. But now that we've completed OIT, "hidden peanut" is exactly what we're looking for.

The majority of OIT kiddos don't like the taste of their allergens. Is it the body's natural defense against them? Is it psychosomatic because they've been instructed to avoid them for so long? Is it simply because they never developed a "taste" for them? We don't know those answers, but we do know that many kids need to camouflage those peanuts to get them down the hatch. I have listed some "creative" dosing ideas below for those of you who are at the end of your peanut rope, hanging on for dear life, struggling through your kiddo's daily doses. Special thanks goes to members of both Private Practice OIT and Texan Allergy OIT Support Group on Facebook who have shared these ideas over the years (I definitely "stole" a few-- I hope you don't mind!)!

1) Peanut candy. Peanut M&M's. Reese's Pieces. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. There are many options. You'll have to discuss conversions with your doctor. Remember that the protein content on any item is the ENTIRE amount of protein in the item from ALL PROTEIN SOURCES, so you can't just do a one to one conversion here-- not even for the M&M's.

This is the size peanut M&M bag we buy now. Regularly. It's still mind-blowing.

You've tried all the candies and your kiddo hates them, OR your kiddo can't eat the candies due to tree nut cross contamination, OR your allergist just doesn't like using candy for dosing.  What's a mom to do? Here are some other suggestions:

2) Stick peanuts or peanut pieces into Rolos. This also works with other nuts. I have been able to cram up to three peanuts inside a single Rolo.

The Rolo trick works with hazelnuts, too!

3) Crush up the peanuts and mix them into a small amount* of mint chocolate chip ice cream.  Frozen items often dull tastes, combine that with the strong flavor of mint, and the crunchiness of the chocolate chips, and your kiddo won't even know there are peanuts in there.

We tried this mix-in with peanut flour.  I think peanut pieces work better.

*A note about amounts before we move on: When mixing peanuts or peanut flour into things, use as little "mix in" as possible. Until you get up to a peanut, you can usually mix the dose on top of a single spoon. After that, you can use a small dish and get it all out of the way in just 5 or 6 bites.  There's nothing worse than having your kid give up on a dose part way through! The less volume your kiddo has to consume, the better!

4) Crush up the peanuts and mix them into taco meat. You heard me right. Taco meat. Sweet things often ENHANCE the taste of peanut, savory things can actually mask it. Remember to use only a small amount (see the note above about volume). You don't need an entire taco here, folks.

5) Crush up the peanuts (or use peanut flour or PB2 powder-- ask your doctor for a conversion-- they are each different!) and mix them into small amount of ketchup. Then eat with tater tots or fries.

6) Crush up the peanuts (or use peanut flour or PB2 Powder) and mix them into a smoothie.  People say that banana/strawberry smoothies are the best. Heck, we even mixed egg white powder into a Daily's daiquiri mix once ;)!!  Serve the smoothie in a sealed cup with a straw to keep the peanut smell to a minimum.

Sometimes you're even willing to serve your kid a daiquiri to get the dose in!!
 Sans alcohol, of course. Bonus: You can make yourself a full strength one
so you can get through another day of dosing!

7) Place the peanut or peanut pieces on top of a Frito corn chip and munch away.  The Frito's crunch masks the crunch from the peanut, and the corn chip/salt mask the flavor of the peanut.

8) Place chocolate syrup on the end of a spoon, then add peanut flour or PB2 powder.  Top with a bit of Redi Whip. It's delicious. Also, don't try to fly to your OIT appointment with an open can of Redi Whip.  Ask me how I know.  #TSAtroubles

It's like a little ice cream-less sundae!

9) Freeze banana slices, dip them in chocolate and use the chocolate to "pick up" peanut pieces.  Once again, frozen items mask tastes.

10) Carefully pull apart an Oreo and place peanut flour or peanut pieces inside.  Alternately, you can mix peanut butter (or flavored peanut butter) in with the Oreo frosting.  Close the cookie sandwich and eat!

If you use flour, make sure you press it into the icing.
Otherwise, you'll get a "poof" of peanut flour when you bite down!

11) Mix chocolate peanut butter with a small amount of chocolate pudding to further mask the peanut taste.

12) Dip peanuts into Biscoff cookie butter.

13) Crush up the peanut and mix it into a breakfast taco (keeping volume in mind) with eggs, cheese and crunchy bacon bits. The bacon bits will mask the crunch of the peanuts, and the taco contents hides the taste. Pour a little salsa on there, and your kid won't even know there are peanuts in it. This dosing method is a two-fer for us because Brendan did egg OIT, too!

So there you have it. Our best "hidden peanut" ideas. Do you have a creative dosing idea?  Post it in the comments below!

OIT sets US free

Brendan had a follow up with Dr. Silvers last week.  I worked together with some of his other patients, and through the magic of Facebook connections and Photoshop, we brought him the following gift:

He got just a wee bit choked up when I gave it to him, so I think he liked it.  Look at all the beautiful little faces that he's setting free.  But do you want to know something?  Behind each of those beautiful faces, there is an ENTIRE FAMILY gaining freedom, too.  OIT sets US free, ALL of US.  Yep, you, mama-- out there baking the bazillionth cupcake so your kiddo won't be left out at the birthday party tomorrow.  You, who left your job to stay home with your food allergy kid because you needed to be at every field trip and class party.  You, who sneaks a Snickers bar over the kitchen sink after bedtime.  OIT will set you free.

OIT has set me free.  It's enabled me to move away from my laser focus on Brendan's safety to thinking about what kind of career I'd like to have someday.  Even before I had a food allergy kid, I wanted to stay home with my children through the elementary years, but those will soon be over for my youngest, and thanks to OIT, I don't *have* to be at every event Brendan attends.  I dropped him off at the church lock-in this year without a second thought.  I went on his sixth grade band field trip because I *wanted to,* not because I *had to.*  And I am going back to school to try and become a physician assistant because for the first time, I can actually wrap my mind around two years of post-bac work and two and a half years of intense PA school.  OIT has set US free, and I couldn't be more grateful.  Maybe next time, we need to make Dr. Silvers a matching picture with moms and dads holding the signs instead.

Seven Months: OIT by the numbers

It's been seven months since Brendan completed his second and final round of OIT.  He has had seven months of COMPLETE FREEDOM from food allergies.  On that note, I thought I'd make a blog post of our OIT journey by the numbers.  Here they are:

>100

Brendan's pre-OIT peanut and hazelnut IgE levels. For those not in the allergy world-- that ">" means higher than they are willing to count on an allergy test.

52

Brendan's pre-OIT egg white IgE level.  Still really high!

27,846

The number of miles we traveled for OIT treatment.

6.5

The amount of months it took for each round of OIT.

58.2; 41.4; 5.56

Brendan's peanut, hazelnut, and egg IgE levels, respectively, after completing OIT.

754

Days of dosing since we began our OIT journey.

7

Months of FREEDOM.

Month One: Where he got to keep (and EAT) all of his Halloween candy.

Month Two: Where he ate EVERYTHING at Disney World, including the KITCHEN SINK.  For real, this dessert is called "The Kitchen Sink," and it was totally off limits before!

Month Three: Where he decorated and ate this gloriously cross contaminated gingerbread house!

Month Four: Where he had a donut and Resee's Pieces snowman afternoon snack.

Month Five: Where he got his first box of "mystery" chocolates!

Month Six: Where he ate deep fried Nutella at the rodeo!

Month Seven: Where he ate a huge cross contaminated bunny (and complained that it was hollow!).

Just beginning Month Eight: Where he ate at Marble Slab for the first time ever.

∞ Infinite

The number of times we have given thanks to God for OIT and for Dr. Silvers who walked us through the process.

Just after Brendan graduated from OIT, I made a video of his journey.  I realized that I somehow never linked it to this blog.  You can watch it here. OIT works.  And it has changed our lives.

Just Breathe

I don't know how I did it, y'all, but I'm pretty sure I went 12 years without breathing.  I spent 12 years holding my breath-- every time a kid ate PB&J and then played with Brendan, every time we ate at a new restaurant, every field trip and class party, every church potluck and airplane ride with peanuts scattered on the floor.  I held my breath.  FOR. TWELVE. YEARS.  And half the time, I'm not even sure I *knew* I was doing it.  It just became second nature.

Until that moment when I finally TOOK A BREATH.  AND  THEN I REALIZED-- I've been holding my breath this whole time, and NOW, NOW I know what it's like to BREATHE.  And it's wonderful.

Brendan's been in maintenance for 5 weeks.  That means he's lived 5 weeks of his 12 year old life without any food restrictions.

Brendan has lived a thousand lives over the past 5 weeks.
It all started with a few close friends and Blizzards at Dairy Queen!

In those 5 weeks, he's: been to 2 birthday parties and eaten the cake at both; gone to a "6th Grade Social" where they served GOD KNOWS WHAT for food-- AND I DIDN'T EVEN CHECK; attended a church potluck, where he was allowed to go hog wild-- "HAVE WHATEVER YOU WANT, BUDDY;" not to mention, the child has done an OIT media tour that included being on TV in Dallas, Houston, and a video clip that got over 400,000 views on Facebook!

The Birthday Cake seen 'round the world (or at least the internet!).

A Family Celebration at The Cheesecake Factory!

You *know* we *had* to eat here!!

Brendan got to keep ALL of his Halloween candy this year!

Giant, cross-contaminated donuts with cousins!

To see Brendan's media tour click here, here, and here!

But TODAY, TODAY was the first time I really think I allowed myself to BREATHE.  Brendan went for his 5 week follow up today.  He had blood drawn last week, and I spent most of the week worrying that one of his blood test numbers could make all of his success come crashing down.  They were checking his allergen blood test levels, but they also ran a CBC to look for eosinophils in his blood-- if those were extremely  elevated, that could be a bad sign.  It was really just a routine check-- Brendan has had no problems recently, so there was no reason for his eosinophils to be elevated, but in true allergy mom fashion, I HELD MY BREATH.

This new allergy-free life we'd been given was JUST TOO WONDERFUL.  Was it too good to be true?  In the days leading up to our appointment, despite Brendan's new found freedom, I still couldn't BREATHE.  I simply couldn't let myself believe that our lives had become this amazing-- this NORMAL.  And so today, when I saw Brendan's eosinophil number, sitting just where it was before we started this whole process, I took a deep BREATH.

This new life IS real.  OIT REALLY WORKED for us.  Dr. Silvers did it.  He really cured my boy.  And then came the tears, of course.  And hugging Dr. Silver's neck.  This is our new life. This wonderful, care-free, eat-WHATEVER-he-wants-WITHOUT-FEAR-life is OURS.

And I feel lighter, and more full of life than I have in 12 years.  BREATHING seems to do that for you.    

A Sweet Ending

Romans 8:28.  "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

18 months ago, I started our OIT journey with those words tucked in my heart, but a flurry of fear swirling in my head.  Two days ago, our journey ended, and THOSE WORDS-- they came to fruition.  God gave us the sweetest ending to our OIT journey that I could have imagined-- actually he gave us a SWEETER ending than I could have imagined.  Brendan's graduation from OIT was absolutely perfect. And I know without a doubt that my God orchestrated it to be that way.

Heading into our final appointment day, I was discouraged.  Brendan had been delayed both by sickness and reactions to his dose, and he *should* have graduated weeks before.  I was SO tired.  I was SO ready for this to be over.  I walked on pins and needles in the days before our final appointment.  Would Brendan gag on his dose and set us back another two weeks?  Would he come down with a mystery illness just before we were set to leave?  Would seasonal allergies get the best of him and cause a reaction to his dose?  I was a ball of nerves.

We had Mexican food on Monday-- the boys were off school,
and I was thankful for one less day to worry about
 catching some kind of bug at school right before Brendan graduated!

But Wednesday morning arrived (bright and early since we had a 7:30am flight) without incident!  This was really going to happen!!  I realized that I had forgotten to fill out our online follow up forms for the appointment, so around 5am, I logged on to our patient portal and noticed a message there waiting for me.  It was from Dr. Silvers.  He had sent it Tuesday afternoon, but somehow the system didn't send me a notification until the middle of the night.  I opened the message with a tinge of fear-- it was simply titled "Tomorrow."  Was Dr. Silvers cancelling our appointment?  No, definitely not a cancellation.  It was a message letting me know that a news crew would be in the office tomorrow, and asking if Brendan and I would be willing to be interviewed about OIT.  I quickly changed out of the ratty t-shirt and jean shorts that I was planning on wearing to the appointment into something a little more presentable.  Brendan was already in his graduation day t-shirt, so he would be ready to ROCK a TV interview if one came his way.

Brendan, all ready for the flight to Dallas.
His shirt says, "Straight Outta Food Allergies. #OITworks"

Our flight went off without a hitch, and before we knew it, we were in an exam room.  Dr. Silvers, Brendan, and I all ate peanut M&M's together.  Brendan had to eat 40 peanut M&M's, twice as many as he had ever eaten before.  We chatted while we ate the M&M's.  Totally low-stress.  Almost normal.  Except for that part where my kid was eating the very food that could have killed him just a few months ago.  There he was.  Eating peanut M&M's LIKE A BOSS.  And if our day had ended there, our OIT graduation would have been SWEET.  But God had an even SWEETER ending in store for Brendan.  I'm pretty sure God was wearing a "Go Big or Go Home" t-shirt up in Heaven on Wednesday!

Dr. Silvers examines Brendan before every dose, just to make sure he's healthy.

Here we are, just eating peanut M&M's together and chatting.  No big thang!!

Dr. Silvers left the room to see another patient while Brendan finished his last few M&M's.  Just a few seconds later, Angela, one of the awesome PAs at our office, knocked on the exam room door.  She poked her head in the door and said, "There's another family here that is graduating today, too, and she says you've 'met' online, and they'd really like to meet you in person.  They are in the room next door if you'd like to pop your head in."

So, I left my kiddo eating his last couple of M&M's and popped in next door.  About a week before our appointment, this mom, Aimee, and I had discovered on a Facebook OIT group that our kiddos would be graduating on the same day.  We had been "online" friends for months now, following each other's journeys.  We were both hoping that neither of the kiddos would have a set-back to delay their graduation dates (we had both been delayed already by sickness and reactions).  It would be SO NEAT (or should I say, so SWEET?!) to be able to meet in person, and on graduation day at that!  Sure enough, when I popped my head in the room next door, there was Aimee, and her sweet little girl, plus her whole family!  Even grandma came to graduation!  We said a few quick hellos-- we knew we'd get more time to talk in the big waiting room where the kids sit after they've taken their doses.  I headed back to our exam room to find Brendan downing the last of the M&M's.  He had done it!!!  Peanuts in.  Now we wait.

He did it!!!

The waiting was SO easy (and SO SWEET!) because we got to talk with Aimee and her family for most of the time.  How neat for both our kids to have an OIT graduation buddy.  We were so busy chatting, that I never took a picture of us all together!!  Maybe we'll have our 5 week follow up on the same day and get a second shot at taking pics together!

This is Aimee and her daughter.  They travel from New Orleans for OIT!

Before I knew it, our 45 minutes had passed.  Brendan had graduated peanut OIT!!!  Our plan was to graduate hazelnuts on the same day, so we would need to hang around the office for a few more hours, just to make extra sure that he didn't have a reaction to the peanuts.  Then, around 1pm, he would be able to eat his hazelnuts and hopefully pass those, too!  So, we hung out at the office for a few more minutes, when Dr. Silvers came into the OIT waiting room and told us that the news crew had arrived.  It was time for Brendan's 15 minutes of OIT fame! SWEET!!

Brendan gets ready for his big moment!

Brendan and I got a taste of TV production life.  We staged Brendan's visit for the TV crew and had to do several "takes" of everything.  Brendan handled it all like a champ!  We were even able to give Dr. Silvers his OIT graduation gift-- a shirt just like Brendan's graduation shirt-- and it was all captured on camera!  Dr. Silvers told me that he better read the card somewhere else-- I agreed.  I think we both would have lost it if he read the card in front of me.  We are SO grateful for him.  Offering OIT is not easy for a doctor.  You have to be on call 24/7 in case kids have reactions.  You have to really know your patients and treat each case differently.  Dr. Silvers has done all this and more.  It is hard to express the deep gratitude that I feel for him, so I wrote him a note thanking him the best I could. 

I could go on and on about how awesome Dr. Silvers is, but I know you want to hear more about the TV shoot!!  The crew briefly interviewed both me and Brendan.  Then, our part was over and they took some shots of the nurses mixing doses and interviewed Dr. Silvers.  We were told that the segment would run on the NBC Dallas 5pm news, but that they would also post a clip online.  Good thing, since our flight was set to leave right at 5pm, and we would miss the actual broadcast.

Interview time!

So, what are the chances that a TV crew just happens to show up on the day Brendan is graduating OIT, and we just happen to be the only OIT patients in the office at the time the crew arrives?  Coincidence?  Or was God just making sure that Brendan's OIT graduation was extra SWEET?  I'm going to go with the latter.

The news clip!!!

 After the news crew left, we headed back to the OIT waiting room.  Brendan worked on some homework, and we both ate lunch.  Before we knew it, it was time for the hazelnut challenge.  Brendan ate his homemade Nutella sandwich in record time.  We were almost done!  Just another hour of waiting to go, and Brendan would be FREE from his food allergies!

Homemade Nutella is not as delicious as real Nutella,
but it has a lot more hazelnut in it!!

The hour passed a little slower this time.  We only had homework to keep us company!  But soon enough, nurse Cara was coming in to give Brendan his graduation certificate and take his picture!! This was it!  He had really done it!  He had conquered his food allergy enemies!  He was FREE!!!

Posing with his certificate!

So let's review our day:
Peanuts Conquered? Check. 
Hazelnuts Conquered? Check. 
Meeting online friends in real life? Check. 
Becoming TV stars for the day? Check.

Really?  Could this day have been any SWEETER?  Nope.  God worked everything-- our triumphs and set backs for Brendan's good.  And He made this day simply incredible just to be extra sweet to Brendan.  

Another shot with the certificate, just because!

As I was praying before I wrote this blog today, I was in tears, thanking God for how sweet he was to Brendan on graduation day.  God's response?  "I was sweet to YOU, too."  And then came the big, ugly tears.  Because Brendan is such a loving, kind, SWEET boy, that's it's easy to see why God would be sweet to him.  But sweet to me, too?!  I'm the mom who's out here just doing the best she can, and sometimes that best is laundry stuck in the dryer for a week, pizza for dinner, and a side of yelling at my kids over their homework.  But that's just it.  He's not sweet to us because we're sweet.  He's sweet to us because that's who He is.  And who He is, is a God who works together ALL things for our good.  My boy's good. AND my good.

Allergy moms (and dads!)-- I'm talking to you.  God sees you reading labels and trying so hard to keep your little one safe.  He sees you sneaking Snickers bars over the kitchen sink after bedtime, and he sees you crying in your room after bedtime when your kiddo has been excluded because of food.  Again.  And whether or not you choose the path of OIT, He's still working it all together for the good of your child AND for your good.  And in one way or another-- He will bring you a SWEET ending, too.

 Because that's who He is.  I am SO thankful for the sweet ending He gave us on our OIT journey.  The days and weeks to come will be filled with a different kind of SWEET, as Brendan explores new foods and freedoms.  We got started that very night in the airport before we flew home.  First up:  Random Chinese food, followed by hand-scooped ice cream. SWEET!!!!

Mystery Chinese food!!

Check out that chocolate coated waffle cone!
SWEET!!!

Delayed

Well, we made it to visit number 50.  It seemed to go well at first.  Dr. Silvers even raced Brendan to eat his hazelnut dose of a homemade Nutella sandwich.  Have I mentioned how much we love Dr. Silvers?  He's just amazing, and I can tell he really cares about Brendan.

Dr. Silvers won the race ;).

After Brendan ate his dose, we waited in the office the customary 45 minutes, and Brendan seemed fine.  We called an Uber to take us back to the airport.  The security line was long at the airport, and Brendan seemed tired.  I didn't think anything of it, because I was tired, too!  After we made it through the security line, we grabbed some dinner as usual.  Brendan loves the burrito place in the airport, so we ordered dinner there.  He complained that the rice in his burrito was a little crunchy, so instead of scarfing it down, he only ate about two thirds of it.  Thinking back, the tiredness and the lack of eating SHOULD have been a clue to me that he wasn't feeling well, but I didn't clue in.

We sat at the gate and Brendan worked on homework while waiting to board the flight.  Boarding kind of sneaked up on us, so when I heard the gate agent calling for pre-boarding (which is how we board the airplane due to Brendan's peanut allergy), I jumped up and encouraged Brendan to do so, also.  That was a fatal move.

This is an old picture of a pre-board pass.
We will lose our pre-board privileges once Brendan graduates from OIT.
It's pretty much the only perk of having a peanut allergy.

About 10 feet down the jetway, Brendan began to vomit.  We walked back toward the gate as he continued to vomit over pretty much every last inch of the jetway.  Apparently, he hadn't been feeling well since the Uber ride. He told me it was bumpy and made him motion sick.  We pre-medicate Brendan with meclizine before every trip because he is prone to motion sickness.  He usually doesn't get motion sickness if he has taken meclizine, but it has happened before.  I think his vomiting was a combination of motion sickness AND his dose.

We delayed the entire flight by 30 minutes so that they could clean up the vomit.  We were the only ones able to board on time (Sorry, flight 49!).  Thank goodness the flight was delayed so that I could speak with Dr. Silvers on the phone.  I could hear the sadness in his voice when I told him that Brendan had vomited on the jetway.  We were SO close to graduating OIT-- just one week away, and now Brendan had not tolerated his dose.  It was heartbreaking.  Dr. Silvers told me the new plan.  Brendan would take 10 peanuts and hazelnuts the next morning, and if he tolerated those, he'd go back up to 12 for the evening.

That time you get a text telling you that your flight is delayed,
and you know *exactly why* it's delayed :/.

The following morning arrived, and to complicate matters, I was leaving on a cruise with a group of girlfriends.  The morning dose of 10 went well, but I knew Brendan traditionally had more trouble with evening doses, and that night's dose would be all up to my hubby.  I left my hubby detailed instructions on the doses, as well as how to reach Dr. Silvers if he needed to.  It's a good thing I left all those instructions, because that evening's dose of 12 did not go well.  Brendan ate 20 peanut M&M's for his peanut dose (M&M peanuts are smaller than regular peanuts, so 12 peanuts = 20 peanut M&M's), but then as he was eating his homemade Nutella sandwich, he began to gag, and he vomited.  My hubby called Dr. Silvers immediately, and Dr. Silvers asked him to wait 30 minutes and try a half dose (6 of each nut).  If that went well, he was to try the full dose again the next morning.

This picture was taken just a few hours before Brendan vomited his evening dose.
Thank God for my hubby who was able to keep the ship at home running
while I went off and played on a ship of my own!

The half dose went well, so the next morning (it's Friday, 9/30, at this point), Brendan ate a full dose of 12 peanuts and 12 hazelnuts.  That dose went well!!!  My hubby was supposed to call Dr. Silvers on Friday after the morning dose for the new plan.  When he called, I told him to ask for once a day dosing, which Dr. Silvers had offered to us a few weeks before, but we declined.  It would take us two weeks to get to graduation instead of one, but it seems like Brendan tolerates the morning doses better than those in the evening . So, on Friday, Dr. Silvers allowed us to switch to once a day dosing!  Praise God!!

I might feel just a *little* bit guilty that this was my view
while my sweet hubby was at home figuring out the next steps for dosing.

Brendan has taken his 12 peanuts and 12 hazelnuts every morning since last Friday, and has been OK every single time.  I think we are back on track.  So despite a delayed flight and a delayed dosing schedule, we WILL arrive at our destination.  The new estimated time of arrival is next Wednesday, October 12th.  If all goes well between now and then, he will eat 24 peanuts and 24 hazelnuts that day, and he will GRADUATE from OIT.

He will be able to eat ANYTHING he wants.  We are SO excited for that day, and we are cautiously optimistic that despite our delays, we will conquer peanuts and hazelnuts once and for all.  We are MORE than ready for TAKE-OFF into our new life of FREEDOM!

This eclair may or may not have been sitting
directly next to a donut filled with peanut butter!
We are already experiencing new-found freedom!  #OITworks